Paulina Porizkova has opened up about her ongoing grief following the death of her husband Ric Ocasek while sharing a tearful selfie that was taken on a ‘bad day.’
The supermodel, who has been candid about her mental health struggles, took to Instagram on Thursday to post a photo of her tear-stained face looking up at the camera.
‘One tries so hard to be grateful and positive and look ahead and all — but sometimes you just have a day like this. I know I’m still shedding my old skin and it still hurts,’ Paulina, 55, wrote.
Candid: Paulina Porizkova, 55, took to Instagram on Thursday to post a photo of her tear-stained face, saying she ‘tries so hard to be grateful and positive’ but then she has days like this
Honest: The supermodel has previously spoken about battling depression and anxiety after her husband Ric died in September 2019 at age 75
The Sports Illustrated star has previously spoken about battling depression and anxiety after The Cars frontman died in September 2019 at age 75.
‘And in the middle of this pain — I flash on what I look like when I cry and take a photo! Talk about narcissism!’ she continued. ‘But being able to step back from your pain, even for a moment, and be objective about it — is a helpful distraction.
‘I’m gonna ride this wave and hope for smoother seas.’
Just one day before, Paulina had shared a behind-the-scenes photo of herself laughing and holding a fluffy white dog while on set at a recent modeling gig.
‘From Monday’s shoot — a behind the scenes with tiny @mickeyknox_malloryknox — so adorable you just want to put her in your pocket and walk away,’ the Czech-born model captioned the black and white image.
It’s been a difficult year and a half for Paulina, who learned that Ric had cut her out of his will before his death, leaving her without any money to live off of, including her previous earnings.
Happier time: Just one day before, Paulina had shared a behind-the-scenes photo of herself laughing and holding a fluffy white dog while on set at a recent modeling gig
Candid: The model share a photo collage on Tuesday featuring dozens of magazines that she had covered throughout her career, saying she didn’t have ‘any sense of financial worth’
The cover star has been frank about her financial mistakes and her relationship with her rocker husband, whom she was separated from at the time of his death.
Earlier this week, she shared a photo collage featuring dozens of her magazine covers, admitting that she didn’t have ‘any sense of financial worth’ at the height of her career.
‘I had hundreds of covers, I had several contracts — most notably the largest cosmetic contract then signed — I had self-produced calendars and posters,’ she wrote in the post, which was a part of her partnership with UBS bank.
‘I was the first model to have both an American Vogue cover and a Sports Illustrated cover, which allowed me to straddle the two worlds between high fashion and cheesecake. I had been working as a model every day from the age of fifteen.
‘But the one thing I didn’t have — was any sense of financial worth.’
Paulina explained that her family didn’t have a lot of money when she was growing up, so she never learned how to manage her finances when she started out as a teen model.
Candid: Paulina opened up about her financial mistakes during a recent conversation with UBS as part of her paid partnership with the bank, saying she wished she had signed a prenup
‘Having never been taught how to handle money, I just handed it over to professionals and let it out of my mind,’ she recalled. ‘I’d call them perhaps to ask if I could make a larger purchase, and that was about it.’
The supermodel didn’t have a prenup when she married her late husband Ric in 1989, something she openly regrets following his death.
‘Once I got married, I handed even that little responsibility to my husband. When it came to money, I not only allowed, but encouraged people to treat me like a large baby,’ she said.
Paulina explained that even though she took ‘100 percent responsibility in everything else,’ she had ‘zero responsibility’ when it came to her finances.
‘I had no idea that by doing this, people (biz) would lose respect for me, and think of me as the vapid wife of a rockstar,’ she said.
‘By letting our partners control our money, we are being controlled. Real love is respect between the two, and you can’t respect someone over whom you have power.’
Memories: The supermodel met her late husband Ric on the set of the music video for The Cars’ hit ‘Drive’ in 1984 (pictured) when she was only 19
Honest: Paulina (pictured with her husband in 1990) said Ric thought a prenup was a ‘bad omen’ and ‘romance eclipsed any financial thinking’ on her part
Paulina has been sharing the sponsored posts about her financial regrets as part of her new partnership with UBS bank.
She also recently opened up about her money mistakes during a two-part conversation with Paula Polito, vice chairwoman of UBS Global Wealth Management.
When asked if she had regretted not signing prenup when she got married in her early 20s, she let out a maniacal laugh and made a face, saying: ‘Uh, yeah.’
‘Now if I had a daughter, any of my goddaughters or granddaughters or any of the young women I know…if there’s one good thing I could do for them is to let them hear my story of how romance eclipsed any financial thinking and what a bad idea that is,’ she added.
She was only 19 when she met her late husband on the set of the music video for The Cars’ hit ‘Drive’ in 1984. He was considerably older, and she felt he was wiser because of his age.
‘I had this sort of idea that he knew everything about the world and his word was the word of God, and I should just sort of listen to what he said because, obviously, he had the wisdom of living that I hadn’t had,’ she said. ‘And he reminded of that every of often, that he knows better because he’s older.’
Family: Their finances were merged throughout their 28-year marriage, and they had two sons together, Jonathan, 27, and Oliver, 22 (pictured in 2016)
Loss: After Ric’s death in September 2019, Paulina learned he had cut her out of his will, claiming she had ‘abandoned’ him, leaving her without any money to live off of
Paulina was pulling in about $6 million a year at the time, but she was never considered the breadwinner.
‘From the very beginning, it always seemed like it didn’t matter how much money I made. It was “hobby” money and his money was the “real” money,’ she recalled.
She felt it would be ‘unromantic’ to bring up finances in any way, saying she thought it put their relationship ‘into a sort of a calculated romance rather than just love and passion.’
Paulina and Ric wed five years later after they met, when she was 24 and he was 45.
She said that before they got married, Ric had told her that he thought signing a prenup was a ‘bad omen’ and meant that they thought their marriage wouldn’t last.
‘I was stupid,’ she said with a laugh. ‘It was incredibly naive of me.’
Their finances were merged throughout their 28-year marriage, and they had two sons together — Jonathan, 27, and Oliver, 22. She noted that she still had access to money after they announced their separation in 2018.
However, that all changed when Ric died in their Manhattan townhouse in September 2019 at age 75. She learned he had cut her out of his will, claiming she had ‘abandoned’ him.
‘I got two mortgaged houses and the pension, but no way to pay for anything,’ she said of her financial struggles the year after his death.
‘So obviously things had to be sold, but until they got sold, I had nothing to live on. I literally went through a year of asking my friends to buy us groceries. It was not a good position to be in.’
In September, Paulina sold the Gramercy Park townhouse where they had lived for more than 30 years for $10 million. She still has her home in upstate New York, and she recently moved into a rental apartment in Manhattan.
More than a year later, Paulina said she still isn’t sure if he did this to her intentionally or he was preoccupied with his health and wasn’t paying attention when someone slipped him the paper to sign.
Moving on: Paulina sold the townhouse where she lived with her late husband for three decades for $10 million in September
Back and forth: Paulina has been alternating between staying at her home in upstate New York (left) and her apartment in Manhattan. She recently got her hair done while in the city (right)
‘That’s my seesaw between grief and rage.’ she said. ‘And you know what? I’ll never get an answer to that. That is something I will never know, and I have to come to terms with it. That’s what I’m sort of doing now, forgiving him.’
Paulina, as Ric’s widow, may be entitled under New York law to an ‘elective share’ of his estate because they were not legally divorced when he died.
Ric specifically addressed the rule in his will, stating: ‘Even if I should die before our divorce is final…Paulina is not entitled to any elective share…because she has abandoned me.’
However, unless it can be proven in court that she did abandon him, she will likely be entitled to a one-third share of the musician’s assets, which are listed as $5 million in ‘copyrights,’ $100,000 in ‘tangible personal property,’ and $15,000 in cash.
Paulina explained that while she has been angry with her late husband, she takes full responsibility for her financial woes.
‘What happened to me, it seemed like it was so easily preventable,’ she said. ‘And it was based on not misfortune, it was based on my own stupidity.
Racy: Paulina recently shared a nude photo of herself that was taken in her bedroom in her new apartment
Thoughtful words: Last month, Paulina opened up about her complicated grieving process in a touching Valentine’s Day tribute to her late husband
‘It wasn’t that I had an evil husband. It wasn’t that things conspired against me, this is literally, I have nobody to blame for this except for myself.’
Paulina shared a touching Instagram tribute to Ric on Valentine’s Day, posting a sweet throwback snap of them together at the start of their relationship.
In the caption, she reflected on her relationship with the musician, from whom she separated in 2018, explaining that she still has ‘love’ for him and remains ‘grateful’ for their time together.
‘When someone you love dies, you’re suddenly plunged into knowledge of the finite,’ she wrote. ‘At least it did for me. Yes, we were separated, yes, we were getting divorced, but I knew love didn’t die with a divorce.
‘We were not just husband and wife, we were family. I thought we would go on loving each other for the rest of our lives — having no idea how short of a time that would be. But it turns out love doesn’t go away with death either.
‘I’m deeply grateful for the time we spent together and soon, even the lessons I now have to learn the hard way.’
